Prodigal Poet: An Ecclectic Offering on God, Shakespeare, and the Beatles

I thought of something intriguing today . . . So far I've spent all of my adulthood trying to slay a few different dragons, different but related: 1. Stomping out a bad self-esteem and nurturing a good one up from the musty basement. 2. Telling fears to go screw themselves and find new boundaries for my comfort zoning map 3. Figuring out how to make the seven year old and the seventy year old in me fuse into one cohesive person. 4. Be happy. Basically numbers 2-4 stem from issue number 1 -- the mischievous, little . . . no, exasperatingly huge thorn in my side.  Each of these dragons has, at one time or another (and occasionally all at once), kicked my ass.  Obviously they have been somewhat dominant, hence the "all of my adulthood" part.  And unfortunately, my name being drawn out of the Goblet of Fire was not the reason behind it all.  Unfortunately, the blame is on me.   Little by little I have been chipping away at my Berlin Wall o...

My age says I should no longer hold lengthy conversations about the greatest moments in The Muppets repertoire, consort with Smurfs, or linger over trinkets in a bargain bin  marked with Mr. Men and Little Miss.   My age implies thoughts should angle  toward savings bonds, health insurance,  mortgages, property value. My age insists the time to feel care-free and fresh  is past -- now is time for my childlike soul to run on fumes until it just gives out, pulls over, and waits to hitch another ride,  eventually the first part of the trip  disappearing in the distance of a rear-view mirror. Today I am 30.   And what once made me a tad anxious,  now makes me proud.   Three decades under the belt, a fourth just beginning.  The first three were practice anyway . . .  the fourth offers a chance to take what was good  and polish it up for the next run.   T...

  In less than a month now I will be hitting a bit of a milestone.  I will be turning 30.  I will have officially expanded my journey into four different decades.  I'm not completely sure how I feel about this.  It's a mixed bag -- part sadness, part eagerness, and part reluctance.  When I first started thinking about the upcoming September 30 (it's my golden birthday this year, by the way) I began to feel anxious.  30?!  But what have I done in 30 years?  What have I accomplished?  Aren't I still just a kid?  Shouldn't I have a house, and kids, and a career?  In your 20's it's common and perhaps even expected that you haven't done or do not have those things yet.  20's are all about transforming yourself into your adult skin, finding who you are outside of childhood, school, and parents.  30's are . . . well, aren't they . . . well, aren't you supposed to be who you are meant to be by then -- settled, stable, do...

Almost two months ago I had a dream that was both familiar and unusual.  Since my Grandpa Clyde (my mom's dad) passed away in November of 1998 I have occasionally dreamed of him.  In my dreams reality most always spills over.  In my dreams I realize that my grandpa is deceased yet somehow I am able to see him, hear him, touch him.  Most often I embrace him and begin weeping, for the joy of experiencing him one last time, for the pain of knowing that it cannot last.  These dreams are a comfort for me . . . sure, a bit painful as well, but mostly comforting.  These dreams seem so real to me at the time that I wake up feeling as though I have gotten another brief moment with my grandpa.    The dream two months ago was much the same; I saw him, knew that he had passed, laced my arms around him, and wept.  He looked at me and smiled, in that calm, gentle way he always did.  I said a few things to him but he never said a word, only ...

I've decided that life should be more nonsensical . . . like a Monty Python sketch.  It should be full of giant cartoon feet descending from the heavens and awkward men wearing shorts and suspenders, shouting informative quips with a stunningly Hitler-esque mustache.  And most importantly, it should be full of people randomly yelling out, "SPAM!"   Life's hard . . . and stressful . . . and tiring . . . and . . . well, I'm sure you know all too well how to finish this sentence.  Fill in the blanks with your specific frustrations. :)  We've all got problems.  And quite frankly, some of us ARE problems.  So why not freshen things up with a nonchalant stroll through the park, with the silliest walk you can think of.  There is a Ministry for that sort of thing, you know? Just this weekend I could tell that my creative juices were beginning to overflow from neglect because I was seeing all sorts of strange creatures in the shapes and s...

* This is part 5 of a series of posts that explore my struggles with self-esteem, weight, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and the very difficult task of trying to be my fullest self in a world that constantly demands more than what I am. Because this subject is so vast and most of my life has been spent swimming in its waters in some form or another I thought it best to break it up . . . also so as to not bore you to death! Some of you may not be able to relate, but I hope that you will find it interesting anyway. And perhaps you will be better able to understand someone in your life. Some of you may be able to relate and I hope that you will know that you are not the only one -- that the journey may be long, but progress is progress. Remember that no matter how small it may feel, you still are not the same person that you were yesterday. And that is something to celebrate! For Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 please scroll below . . . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A very significant ph...

I started using Facebook only a little over a year ago (I'm always a late bloomer!). Prior to I had absolutely no interest in participating in one of these social forums, and still don't outside of Facebook. I finally decided to start a page, thinking it could help build my freelance business, which I had just started at that time. I'm honestly not sure that it, so far, has done much in the way of business, but I have surprisingly enjoyed it very much on the personal socializing front. I have come into contact again with many people from my past and also stayed in better touch with some of the people from my present. I am often very bad at consistent communication with many people, so this has been a helpful tool for me in nurturing some of my relationships. Plus, I really enjoy taking those silly, little quizzes. :) I never would have guessed this before, but Facebook has also been an effective tool in my journey toward complete authenticity. It basically provides a...